So what's the deal here anyway?

It is truly a joy to write things, real things about your life, or from your imagination, when the people who are going to read them are either complete strangers or are those rare, special, wonderful, kindred spirits who will not judge you and will continue to really want you in their lives no matter what might jump off your fingertips and onto the keyboard. When you get done writing something for an audience like that, your soul feels lighter, you feel happy. So this thought leads me to wonder why I have this blog. Sure, I can ramble on about farm/tractor/guinea/duck/dog stuff for days and you can't say anything because I warned you that's what this was going to be like. But does that stuff really weigh on me and want to be dumped here? Not really. It's just life stuff, just sharing experiences. Which is cool too, but have never really been the thing that has compelled me to write. There are a couple of you here that know understand what I'm getting at here.

Also, I think I've attracted some new readers to this blog and when I look back at it with fresh eyes, I realize you know nothing about me really. And how interesting can guinea fowl tales be from a person you know nothing about?? So for this post, a mini-bio. I'm going to keep this semi-annoymous, but you'll get the basics.

I grew up on a 200 acre farm. We had lots of animals - cows, horses, a donkey, guinea fowl, ducks, geese, hamsters, dogs, cats, etc. We grew corn, tobacco, and bell peppers. We lived there until I was 12 years old. Then we moved "into town" which was 6 acreas about 5 miles from town. My parents lived there until about 5 years ago, I think. I met Husband the day before I graduated from high school. Our first date was July 4, 1996 and we got married July 4, 1998. 11 years ago this coming Saturday. I was 20 years old when we got married. So how I'm only 29 now, after being married 11 years is a bit of a mystery, I'll admit. We bought a house a couple months before we got married and lived there for 3 years. In 2001 Husband lost his job and we ended up moving away - to the "big city" - where he found a new job. I was not happy about leaving my home town, but now I think it was the best thing we could have done. We lived in a neighborhood in a mid-sized town (a little over 200,000 people I think). We both went to school during that time (while working full-time) and got our degrees. After Husband graduated, we decided to move out into the country - 2 1/2 hours from where we lived. So we fixed up our house, sold it in October 2008, quit our jobs, left all of our friends, co-workers and favorite restaurants behind, bought a new house and moved to where we live now. We own a little over 4 acres and sit in the middle of 16 acres all owned by the same people - we hope to buy it all someday.

Here's a few random tidbits, then I gotta get back to work. The first grade was by far the worst year of my life. I had the chicken pox twice that year, even though that "isn't possible." I burned my hand on an iron bad enough that I was off school a couple days and the pain was still so bad when I went back (with my hand a giant ball of gauze) that it made me dizzy. My paternal grandmother died in October of that year. On February 1 (my parents' anniversary) my dad, sister & I were in a car accident. My dad still suffers from his injuries. I ate the radio knob and knocked out my only adult tooth. Then my paternal grandfather died on February 7th (I think). I have been put to sleep 6 times in my life. Once to have that tooth put back in and braces sewn into my gums, then to have the braces taken out, then to have the tooth itself taken out (3 or 4 years later), then to have my gallbladder taken out in 2003 and twice for oral surgery in 2003 & 2004 (I think). I once went to a psychiatrist named Clovis Augustus (first & middle names), and one who told me that I could never tell anyone I'd ever seen a shrink as it would make people think less of me (I was about 14 at that time). I've been medicated for everything from depression to bipolar disorder to severe anxiety. I haven't taken any of that stuff in over 7 years and I don't intend to ever again. I feel like Husband and our marriage are the great miracles of my life - it is what I am most proud of.

Monday - or, Thursday, as it were

So it's another Monday and yet, I don't entirely hate this one because I only have to work 2 days this week. We were supposed to go out to lunch today with a girl who used to work here but moved away - she's back in town today. But I'm not going, instead I'm going to stay here and study. It's what I should do, so I'm doing it.

The weekend went fairly ok, just not long enough as usual. Friday night we went to the in-laws' and worked on the guinea coop, then we ate dinner and played some pinochle. We were there into the wee hours of the morning (ok, it was midnight, but it felt really late!) Saturday we got up and Husband went to help them load up the guinea coop parts to bring to our house for final assembly. I stayed home and cleaned the house, did some laundry and studied. When they got there, I went down and helped with assembly. It was 500,000 degrees (95) outside, so we worked until about 2:30pm, then stopped cause it was blisteringly hot. The in-laws went home and we took showers and went out to dinner and stopped at Wal-Mart for some essentials (gas can for diesel for the tractor, windshield wiper blades, car washing soap, paint for the guinea house & cheap brush (since its going to be red and will likely ruin the brush cause of the rough wood), and various other goodies). Then I studied for a bit and around 6pm, when that side of the house was in the shade, we got back to work on the coop. It is 8' x 4' and has plywood sides and back, a metal roof and a wire front and bottom. We covered the inside of the bottom with vinyl stuff and a couple piecs of paneling that we'll leave there at least until they can get up on the roost (which is a wooden 8ft. closet rod). There are also a couple pieces of paneling in the front to protect them (they sleep with their faces up against that wire and a racoon will reach in and kill them just for fun) and to keep some heat in. Anyway, we got it done Saturday night and it was supposed to storm, so we left them in the basement and moved them out there Sunday. They move around a little and are eating and everything, but they are clearly still freaked out about being outside (where they can hear dogs barking and who knows what else). They can't get up on their perch yet, or they haven't figured out that they can, so they're still huddling on the floor and sitting on their feeder. Of course, it dropped down into the 50's last night, which is the coldest night we've had in a month or two so when I went down to feed them this morning, they mostly gave me dirty looks. I put a cardboard box in there on its side so for them, they can get in that and snuggle together to get warmer if they want (once they stop being afraid of it). Also, they might use it as a step up onto their perch. Hopefully after a full day of sunshine and no dogs or people looking in on them every 5 minutes, they'll relax and explore their new house some more.

So I have to work today and tomorrow, then Wednesday is my big test. I took some practice tests over the weekend and I'm pretty sure I will not pass this section. But at least I'll get a feel for the experience and I'll know better how to study for future sections. It's a very expensive learning experience, but a learning experience none the less. And who knows, maybe I'll get lucky. Stranger things have happened. Even though it is so close, I will still spend tonight and tomorrow night doing practice questions and trying to drill that last tiny bit of information into my brain that might be the difference between passing and failing. Then, on Thursday, we will drop the chihuahua with my in-laws, take the big girls to the kennel and head off on our little anniversary get-away. Our 11th wedding anniversary is this coming Saturday (yes, we got married on the 4th of July), so we're staying at a cabin for 2 nights in a little town about 2 hours away. Not a big deal, just a little break from the ordinary.

Not much else happening. I have a tomato from the garden ripening on the window sill and several more getting near ripe on the vine. Maybel has several berries in the works, but 2 that will be eaten before we leave Thursday. Our squash plants have ceased producing anything edible - not sure what the problem is. I just keep pulling off the rotten or woody fruits and hoping for something delicious soon. We have 5 watermelons coming on our single plant - our entire family will be eating watermelons soon!! We're also expecting a bumper crop of cantelopes - I hope everyone we know loves them!! I think I'm going to have a bunch of lima beans too, which means I need to look up when to pick them and how to store them - I've only ever had them out of a can!

Here we go again...

Got a big fat slap with the old reality fish last night. Didn't really need it - not at the end of this week, believe me. It's been a hard week. They happen. But I got home to find all 3 of our ducks had perished. Well, I don't know for sure if they had perished when I got home, or if it happened between me letting the dogs out and letting them back in. I'm thinking the latter though. And that's tough, because the dogs have been left out there much longer than they were last night, unattended and nothing has happened. We've observed them with the ducks and they've been alone with the ducks and its always been fine. Not this time. This time, I have no more ducks and I feel horribly guilty about that. I should have known: Dogs will be dogs. I should have remembered that the dogs aren't human and they have a nature much different from our own. They don't understand that the ducks were our pets, they don't even understand that the ducks are dead now. Vikki keeps trying to go down there, looking for them. She clearly doesn't get it. She's a dog. And I'm the human - the one who should have protected the ducks. I failed.

Husband really liked the ducks too, so we might get some more. We'll just have to be a lot more careful this time and remember that the dogs are dogs. Its very tough right now not to be totally pissed at the dogs - they couldn't help it, we never really taught them any different so they didn't know any different. But I refused to pet them last night and I didn't pet them this morning either. It's mean though, if you think about it, because they don't understand WHY I'm not petting them (or talking to them, or even looking at them much), they just think I'm a big old bitch who doesn't love them anymore and they don't understand why. Jazzy (the Australian Shepherd) is really the most heart broken. She is a serious velcro dog and this cold shoulder thing is killing her. So I'm all guilty about that too - I hate being mean to the dogs, I hate thinking that they think I don't love them, but I just can't bring myself to love on them. This sucks out loud.

In other news, we're going to get the guinea house tonight (too little, too late for the ducks) and we'll put it together this weekend. I'll try to help, but my first part of the CPA exam is Wednesday, so I'll have to study too. The guineas will go out there for a couple weeks, while we get the area fenced in more securely so the dogs (and other predators) can't get in there, then they'll have a little grassy area to go into during the day. They will still get locked up at night though, because no fence (that we can afford) is racoon proof. So we're having dinner with the in-laws tonight since the guinea house is at their house. I don't really feel like being social, but whatever.

At least the weekend starts in an hour and 55 minutes and next week is a short week, so that's good.

On the way to work this morning, it was raining a little and cloudy and I literally saw a cloud with a silver lining. Now, I just need to find the figurative silver linings.

Oh, St. Teresa

I have a splitting headache today. No doubt the result of not sleeping the last two nights because I lay in bed just giddy and excited like I'm going to fucking Disney Land the next day. Oh, guess what? No Disney Land. So, yeah, this is mania, not happiness. I should have known right away when it started pretty much on the first day of summer. Duh. I was suspitious, but now I know for sure, for reasons I won't go into in this blog. (I really wish that I could access the other one from work...argh!)

But, among other things, I can't concentrate well enough to do a fucking journal entry to record the sale of a truck. The simplest thing in the world. I have my credit to vehichles & gain on sale, and I have a debit to accumulated depreciation but the rest of the entry is just dangling there...lost. Fogged up in my brain like the memory of a drunken night - its there, just not quite accessible right now. I'm sure the state of my brain is also the result of cramming an entire book worth of information into over the last month. But that doesn't matter, I have my exam in less than a week and I do NOT have time for this right now. I need to think clearly, I need access to everything I know about accounting, bits and pieces of it are now allowed to be swallowed up in the crazy right now. Bah.

I brought my lunch today, but I'm definately going out for lunch anyway. I just need to sit in my car in the quiet and get my shit together. I just gotta make it to lunch now. Funny how hard the "up" side can be sometimes.

"...and I liked it."

I'm so stinking happy these days I make myself sick. Husband and I are getting along really well, I'm happy with our house, I'm excited about getting the duck/guinea shelter done and moving them outside, I'm feeling positive about my exam that's coming up, I'm excited about our anniversary trip next week, I'm satisfied with my job right now. You don't understand how unusual this is. My entire life I've been the poster child for Emo kids. But right now, even with my moodiness and unusual amounts of anger (you should try being cheerful-angry sometime, its really weird), overall, I'm practically fucking giddy. This is probably known as "manic", not "happy", but I'll take what I can get. :-) Whatever this mood is, I just hope it lasts. Like, forever.

Last night when I got home I straightened up the house a little (very little) then we went and met my sister, her husband and Katie (our niece) for dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant. The service was awful, which has never been the case before, but isn't that always the way when you take someone to a place you swear is good? Then they came to our house to see the guineas and the ducks. They are all getting so big, my sister wanted to see them before they were full grown. Katie is now afraid of our dogs, just cause she hasn't seen them since she's been more aware of what's going on. Last time she was at our house (in April) she thought they were funny. Now they're scary. Hopefully she'll change her mind again. She didn't seem too impressed by the birds, probably because she doesn't really know what they are. She did watch the ducks in the pool though and seemed amused by that.

After last night though, its completely official that my BIL is a total (I mean - TOTAL) city boy. I'm pretty sure he was afraid of the guineas, probably because they look kind of mean and have pointy curved beaks. But they're just babies, and still cute! Soon they will lose the feathers on their heads and will look more like vultures. I'm sure he won't come within a mile of them then. Honestly, I think he was scared of the ducks too, which is hilarious to me. My sister ran right out there and grabbed a duck, no hesitation. I mean, they're almost still ducklings!! But he backed away and wouldn't let Katie touch it. In a way I think its funny, but in another way I'm afraid he isn't going to let her come stay with us when she's older because I get the feeling like he thinks we're irresponsible and that our house is a death trap. I could be way wrong, but that's the impression I get and even though I don't have kids or anything, I'd never let something happen to that little girl and it hurts my feelings a little bit. But then again, given our lack of kids and all the things around our house that he's uncomfortable with, I guess I can't really blame him.

Well, I'm not going to the charity thing tonight. Between the duck/guinea house, the lawn needing to be mowed, and the studying I have to do, I just don't have an entire evening that I can give up right now. So I told her I can't go, I'll just have to catch the next event. I'm sure she's not very happy about it, but right now I have a lot going on and I need more than 1 day notice when I'm going to have to surrender an entire evening to something. That's just how it is right now. Husband and I are meeting for lunch today and I'll tell him then that I'm not going, I think he'll be pretty happy.

How it is.

Tomorrow night, I have to go to this event for work. Its basically like a speed-dating thing for charities. All these young professionals gather at this place and all these reps from different charities are there and they tell us all about themselves and try to get us to give them money/do charity work for them. This year, they are all human-related charities, not a single humane society or dog rescue among them. So good luck to them with getting money out of me. And why I was invited to an event for "young" professionals, I'll never know. Which reminds me, I need to register for that thing before I leave.

But K and I were supposed to mow the grass tomorrow night. And I feel horribly guilty for leaving him by himself. Not because he'll mow the grass alone, but just because I won't be home with him. But I need to do these kinds of things to get ahead where I work - they're very big into charity work. Maybe I can talk him into mowing on Thursday night instead.

As you can see (and if you know us, then you probably already know this), we have a pretty serious co-dependency thing happening. If something horrible were to happen to one of us, it would be pretty ugly. Lots of people say its not healthy to be like this - to need someone - for another person to be vital to your happiness. Well, fuck them. I like needing someone and I like that He needs me to be happy too. It occured to me one night on the way home, "Holy shit - we're so attached, so connected, no one gets out of this alive." That's how it feels and sometimes its scary because bad shit happens all the time - and like tomorrow night, I will literally suffer through the entire evening because I could be at home with him but I won't be - but the vast majority of the time, it feels good. Warm, cozy, like being wrapped in a warm blanket, held in strong arms. I mean, who would pass up a relationship with someone who still causes you to get butterflies in your stomach when you see them 13 years after that first butterfly?? Just to be safe, to keep yourself at arm's length? No way, man, not me. And believe me, I arm's-lengthed this thing for a long time. I tried to fight it. I tried to keep myself just far enough back to be safe, but it didn't work - it was never going to work. I'm all in.

"It speaks to the duality of man, Sir."

I think I'm too angry. This seems to be a new development. I mean, I've always been easy to piss off, but lately it seems like I go around looking for things to piss me off. For instance, today at lunch, the waitress took freaking forever to bring us our food and I hot. Then she didn't bring him his bread, when she dropped off his plate she said, "Oh, you asked me for some bread too, didn't you?" Um, NO, he ordered a sandwich...that's a lot different than "asking for bread"!!!! And it took her 50 years to actually get the bread and it was stale when she finally did. K was pretty chill about the whole thing, just kind of aggrivated that we would be late getting back to work, but not really mad. I was really, really mad. So mad in fact, that I didn't leave her a tip. At all. First time in my life I actually left no tip at all. And yes, I feel a touch guilty about it now. Perhaps that's why I'm writing this.

Oh, but there was also this kid - a teenager - there with her dad. He was really happy when they first showed up, but then she got on her phone and talked the entire time. And he just looked sadder and sadder and I felt so bad for him. It was all I could do to not get up and say something to her (pretty sure Husband would have melted into the floor in embarassment had that happened). Teenagers can be so awful. I was just so angry at her - and how's that even my business? Maybe he's a horrible man.

So here I am. A jumbled mix of seething anger and deep seated empathy.

Becoming a saint might be easier than becoming a godess

I've never been a domestic godess. I can whip together a dinner with quickness that would put Rachel Ray to shame and I can clean the hell out of a bathroom, or windows, or a kitchen (when I'm so inclined). When I dust, the surfaces sparkle and I'm not above handwashing every item in my china cabinet just to see it all shiney and wonderful. But just because I can do these things doesn't mean I DO. Or at least, not very often. I do cook quite frequently but that's about it. There is dust thick enough to make sculptures out of on the back of our TV, my china cabinet does not sparkle presently and lets not even get started on the giant balls of dog hair and dust bunnies under every piece of furniture. And the bathrooms, while not exactly vile, aren't the cleanest things ever. I have better things to do. We have ducks and guineas that are just babies and need a lot of attention and time right now. We have a giant lawn that constantly needs to be mowed. We have a garden that is more hospitable to weeds than to our plants (we finally got it weeded this weekend!!). I have a CPA exam to study for. I have bird feeders to fill and deer to watch and dogs to let in and out and to play with and get food and water for. Housework can wait. Right??

So here's my dilema. I love a clean house. I adore it. I could roll around naked in it!! Oh...wait...that's a different blog. ;-) But I hate getting it clean, because I know it'll only stay that way for about 30 seconds. Or until the dogs come in and Husband gets home...whichever comes first. But at the same time, I feel guilty when the house isn't clean. I mean, its my job, as the wife, to keep it clean, right? So that's my new year's resolution (even though the year is almost half-over, its never too late!)...to keep the house cleaner. I hardly spend any time just doing nothing anymore, so I'll have to either do things faster or something will have to go, but I'm going to work it out and make time for house keeping. It would be easier if Husband would complain about it once in a while, or make it a priority, but he doesn't seem to mind as long as the house isn't completely out-of-hand. So I have to motivate myself on this one.

If anyone has any house keeping suggestions...ideas, tips or encouragement in my godess endeavor, please feel free to share!!

Cake!!

Because why would anyone go to a birthday party if there wasn't going to be cake??

It's Tractor-tastic!

Here it is, and it truly is tractor-tastic!! Farmer K (aka "Husband") mowed an amazing portion of the yard last night in about 30 minutes...what would have easily taken an hour, maybe 2 hours on the riding mower. So now I'll do around the house on the riding mower and he can do all the, um...outlying areas with the finish mower on the tractor. Since our vehicles always have names, we'll have to name this dude as well...any suggestions?? Oh, and as an added bonus, if you click on the picture and blow it up to full size, you can see my weed patch...er...garden inside the fence on the hill back there. Tonight, I have every intention of getting in there and weeding, even if I am up to my unmentionables in mud!! There might be more yummy things in there and if I don't get it weeded, I'll never know!!

Our strawberry plant (Maybel) has 8 berries!! She has been growing them for an age though...how long can it take to make a strawberry?!?!?

Not much else happening that I care to talk about. The in-laws came over last night to work on the tractor (one of the blades on the mower got messed up...its fixed now). My MIL washed dishes and cleaned my kitchen while I studied. That wasn't awkward/embarassing/uncomfortable or anything. Then she offered to come over and clean the house while we were at work if we needed her to or if we were going to have company or something. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my MIL and she really does mean well, but it would not have been possible for her to make me feel more like shit, or more unworthy if she had been trying to. So, also on the agenda this weekend is cleaning the house apparently. (Imagine how it would have gone had I not dusted and swept the floor before she got there!!). So this weekend is going to be super busy. I'm going to try to work until 5pm tonight (if I can hold out), then I'm going to try to work in the garden some (because its supposed to rain AGAIN tonight), I need to study (I"m a day behind and the exam is coming up on July 1!!), there is the usual laundry, the house needs cleaning, need to clean the guinea brooder and devise a lid for it as one of them escaped last night, we need to get the guinea/duck house area constructed, and we're going to my sister's for my niece's 1st birthday party on Saturday.

I really gotta find a job working 2 days and being off 5.

We own a tractor????

Had you said to me, even 2 years ago, "You're going to own a tractor soon, and you're actually going to be excited about it, AND you're going to learn how to drive it (even though you successfully avoided learning that particular skill as a kid)" I would have told you that you were insane and should clearly seek professional help.

And yet, here I am, absolutely giddy about that fact that Huband is off with FIL today picking up said tractor. I haven't actually seen it yet, so I'm not sure how big it is, I just know that it has a bushhog/finish mower attachment already so we can actually mow our entire lawn without bending a blade on the riding mower. We'll spend our Saturday afternoons riding around the yard - Husband on the tractor, me on the riding mower, making our grass all pretty - in less than 6 1/2 hours!! It will be amazing. Plus, think how fun it will be to buy implements for it...like a tiller to prep our garden, and a blade to scrape the snow off our driveway this winter, or a bucket for, oh I don't know what you use a bucket for, but wouldn't it be fun to HAVE?? And we'll need a barn too at some point. Holy cow. Maybe it will fit in the garage!

In other news, I'm leaving work early today because I have a suspicious tick bite and Husband demands I go get antibiotics in case its Lyme Disease. Good grief. I feel certain that its just nothing, its just an allergic reaction, but he is insistant. And trust me, when a Man gets it in his head that you're going to the doctor, its best to just go. So that means I'll be using some PTO for this afternoon and I don't have a whole lot to begin with, but its ok, I'll get more. We have 2 small vacations planned for this summer, so I have to make sure I have enough left over for those. And I should have some time left this afternoon to catch up on studying and to weed my garden which will be awesome.

I suppose I should get back to work - or else what was the point of coming in today at all??

Randomness

There is something comforting about a big dog, even if said dog would beat you back into the house should actual danger arise. Last night we heard something outside (while the ducks were still outside) and we all (me, Husband, Jazzy - the australian shepherd, Vikki - the french brittany, and Cleo - the chihuahua) all ran out onto the back porch. Jazzy and Vikki ran down to check on the ducks while Cleo did her little spitting-half barking thing from the top step (closest to the door). I just love that about a big dog, how she'll run right into the fire with you, and for some reason you feel safer with her by your side, even though she isn't trained in any way, shape or form to protect you from anything, except perhaps a slobber-free face or fur-free sheets.

When someone walks into your office and goes, "what are you working on right now?" - it is best to say, "Oh, just this return for blah, blah, blah" or something else legitimate. It is not recommended that you say what first pops into your head, which is, "I'm trying to write a blog post - what do you want??" Especially if that person is a member of senior management. I'm just sayin'.

Husband has been sick the last few days, just a cold (NOT the swine flu, regardless of how many times my MIL says, "Are you sure it isn't the swine flu??") but he is feeling much better. And I'm pretty sure it isn't going to rain today, so we might actually get to weed our garden tonight. Which would be an amazing thing because the weeds are getting taller than the plants and harvestins is going to be impossible soon! Plus, I need to get the tomatoes staked up better before they get much bigger. I can't wait for that first juicy tomato...I have a plate and salt shaker all ready for the occassion!

Garden bounty so far: 1 yellow squash, 2 cucumbers.

Pictures - Cute and Creepy

So here are the guinea keets (and my first attempt at posting a picture). They are in a rubbermaid container in this picture, but they don't live there. They are actually living in a 55 gallon aquarium in the basement presently. After a couple more weeks there, we will move them outside and they will live in a little house out there with a moderate fenced in area for 6 more weeks, then, supposedly, their house will be imprinted on them and they will be able to free-range and will come back to roost every night. We'll see.

And here are what our ducklings look like. The guy we bought them from actually took this picture and he had over 70 of them, so who knows if our actual ducklings are in this picture or not. We haven't decided on names for them yet...maybe Huey, Duey and Louie? Or Larry, Moe and Curly? We'd hate to be too original, you know. Husband suggested Larry, Moe, Curly and Shemp when there were 4 of them, but I didn't really care for that. I'm thinking we'll go with Huey, Duey and Louie. Now...to figure out which is which!

Oh, here is another picture (these are just the ones I happen to have on my computer at work). This is a snake skin Husband found in the yard a couple weeks ago! The ruler/level thingy is 2ft. long, so the snake is probably 4-5 feet long. Creepy...huh? And what's all the more creepy is that the stupid thing is STILL laying on the floor in our garage!! So every time I go out there, I nearly pee my pants. I don't know why, it doesn't really look like a snake, I mean, it IS clear and all. But still, it gives me the heebie jeebies to no end!!

So there are my pictures, I'm sure I will subject you to many more as time goes on. There is something about a blog - it just loses something if there are never any pictures. I like pictures!! Especially those pretty ones that people who know how to use Photoshop post. :-)

Well, I just have 42 minutes of work left, then off to the grocery (which didn't get done last night because I suck) and then home to study and fix dinner and clean the kitchen and tend to the fowl and all that good stuff.

Birthday Wish

My office is cold today. I have my little space heater running and the bottom part of my leg is el fuego but my fingers are little ice cicles. Such is the life of the office worker, it seems. I think I'll shut my door and keep the warm air in and the people out. Sounds like a good trade today.

Today is my niece's 1st birthday. That's a little bit amazing to me, time sure has flown. Then again, the changes that have occured in just a year are pretty remarkable. For instance, the day she was born, we still lived in the city, our house wasn't on the market yet, I was working a dead-end job (that I had come to detest) and Husband left for...hmmm...maybe Omaha that day because he traveled for his job a lot. Not to mention, the baby was just a little lump of cuteness that did nothing but eat, sleep and cry. She was completely unaware of her surroundings, she couldn't even poop yet!! She was the very definition of helpless. But today, a mere year later, we have sold our house in the city and have been living out in the sticks for almost 8 months, I've been working at my new job for 5 1/2 months, Husband has been at his job for a few months (I'm not sure how long) and I'm scheduled to take my first part of the CPA exam in a little over 2 weeks. Not to mention, the baby stands and walks (with something to hold onto), she is very well aware of what is happening around her, she can grab things on purpose and put them in her mouth, she crawls all over the place, she knows what her feet are and her hands (and how delicious they are!!) and she has some teeth and even though she isn't talking yet, she has very strong opinions about a number of things. It is impossible for me to list all of the things she has experienced for the first time or learned to do or figured out in the last year. Frankly, she makes the rest of us look like a bunch of slackers!

So Happy Birthday, Baby, I sincerely hope that as you grow older, you continue to learn and grow every day and that you can always find that innocent joy and wonder within yourself, no matter how birthdays have passed.

Another Monday almost done

For some reason, since I started my new job, I've really come to hate Mondays. I can't decide why that is. I don't dislike my job. I think maybe its because since we moved (which is when I started my new job) I really like being at home and I hate it when the weekends end. Of course, now that bad things have happened in my yard, I'm not sure how I'll feel about the place when I get home.

It felt very magical this weekend, cutting the grass, playing with the ducks, picking our first squash of the season and frying it up for Husband (he loves fried squash!!), looking at our (weed ridden) garden and day dreaming about juicy tomatoes and tender ears of corn. The vast expanse of fresh cut grass that leads to our lone raspberry bush that I hope will someday produce baskets full of cobbler filling.

Someone told me not long ago that the place where I live sounds like a Disney cartoon. I couldn't stop thinking about that this morning, and it dawns on me now that even Bambi's mother died in a Disney cartoon, right?

Sure, I'm aware of how melodramatic I'm being, but it really is like I just found out that Prince Charming snores...and leaves his toenail trimmings on the floor...and has racing stripes in his underwear...and picks his nose...and never says 'bless you'...and is just a general, all-around son-of-a-bitch sometimes.

I promise, I'll be over it tomorrow (or at least I'll pretend to be).

I'm not a very good country girl sometimes

A week ago Saturday we got some ducks and guinea keets (babies). The ducks have been hanging out in their little area inside the dog yard and the keets are still in a brooder in the basement. This am, I checked on the ducks and there were only 3 - and traces of the 4th in the grass. So, one duck down due to a predator. Since they're inside a fenced area which is inside a chainlink fence, I'm guessing it was a racoon. I feel worse for the poor ducklings that watched their friend be killed than for the actual loss of a duck. They must be traumatized. And why didn't our dogs hear something and wake me up?? Not that I could have helped.

So that was a suck-ass way to start a Monday morning. Then, as I was getting ready to leave, I heard screaming. Horrible screaming. A big dog was in the woods, not far from our front door, killing a baby deer, the mother kept running out of the woods, then back in and the dog would cry and then bark viciously and the mother would run back out. Two full grown deer couldn't stop it from happening. For some reason, once I saw the dog and realized it was just a dog and not a coyote or fox, I couldn't let Husband shoot it. Yet, I cried all the way to work and cursed the stupid dog, wishing the deer had been able to kill it. Ugh.

Its just life, its what happens when you have animals and there are predators. But I don't like it at all. I hadn't envisioned this part of country living when we looked at our house, surrounded on all sides by woods, with a big open 3 1/2 acre yard. I pictured bliss, not senseless death on a Monday morning.

Tonight, we'll build them some kind of house to lock them up in at night to try and prevent this from happening again.

I really don't mean to be a drag, but this is what I woke up to this morning. Hopefully the week will improve.