I have a story, let me tell you it.

Picture this: 3:54AM, I am sleeping soundly, snuggled in my bed, a chihuahua against my lower back, 75lb. Aussie between my feet and 39lb. French Brittany snuggled in a ball against my stomach. Life is good. Suddenly, the Brittany (Vikki) flies off the bed and runs to the door, then runs back and stares at me, then back to the door, to the window, to me, on the bed, off the bed...needless to say, life has taken a turn for the worst at this moment.

Said dog has a urinary tract infection (confirmed by the vet on Monday and being treated), so I think, "The poor baby, she probably feels like she really needs to pee, I'll get up." So I get up, let her out. Briefly I wonder to myself if the "yard intruders" that she tracts every morning might still be inside the yard, but my foggy 4AM brain can't really comprehend the thought until it's too late. I open the door, she bolts, there is clearly more than one animal running through the yard, I start yelling for her to stop (would never happen, not in a million years), then I hear something hit the chainlink fence and I think "Maybe it escaped, jesus I hope she doesn't go OVER the fence in pursuit!!" (cause she totally could is properly motivated), but I still hear her running in the yard. Then, I hear a quick scream and silence. I yell for her and get no response, so I bolt into the house and put on shoes and grab a flashlight and head back out into the unknown.

Some details you should be aware of to really enjoy this story...it's 38 degrees outside, it's pitch black (sure, the porch light was on, but it only lights the porch and about 1 foot out into the yard, Vikki was at least 50 feet away from the house), I'm wearing little slip on shoes and a t-shirt and that's all, I don't have my contacts in or my glasses on - which means I'm legally blind (I can't see the big "E" on the eye chart).

Ok, so here I go, out into the yard to find out WTF, the first thing I do is step in dog shit because, well, why wouldn't I?? I see Vikki, in the corner of the fence, hunkered over, she has clearly caught something.

Also, keep in mind that we have NO IDEA what kind of animal has been coming into the yard because we haven't been able to trap it. Possibilities include: skunk (have smelled him), opposum (have seen one in the front yard), rabbit (they're everywhere), fox (they live in the woods right behind the house), squirrel, raccoon, deer (no idea why they would come inside the fence, but they can), bobcat (apparently some live in our area), coyote (still not sure if they could get in the fence, but probably), stray cat, mice, snakes...and probably something I've forgotten.

At this point in my mind I've ruled out the larger animals and the dog or cat-like choices because I don't hear a fight going on and I know the thing that screamed wasn't Vikki. So I get closer to her, not sure really what I'll do once I get there and with NO CLUE what she has, then she BOLTS past me. We're talking about an extremely fit 4 year old bird dog here, a bird dog who's vet once felt her back legs up for 10 minutes because he was so amazed as the muscles contained therein. Yeah, so maybe "BOLT" is not a strong enough word for what she did. Right as she passes my finger tips, I remember I left the door to the house open. Fuck!

So I run after her screaming, "VIKKI, NO!!!!!!" And she disappears into the house, when I'm still only halfway across the yard. I instantly picture her in our bed, with my sleeping husband, with something that's not dead (which would be infinately worse than just a carcass). That's when I see it. She dropped her kill right at the edge of the porch, perhaps sensing her own demise if she went into the house with it. It was a rabbit. A cute one too and I felt awful for it, although I am comforted to know that it's suffering was minimal because it only made a single sound and a very quick one at that and then it was all over. My precious Vikki - Cold Blooded Killer.

Since we've moved, she's racked up 3 ducks and now a rabbit. What's really funny about it all, she is the most timid, loving dog in the world...unless, of course, you're small enough that she can break your neck.